Hate

I hate doing site analysis. I’ve had to do three of them so far in the two terms of school that are now behind me, and I’ll have to do site analyses, or at lest be familiar with a site analysis for every project that I will ever be involved with. But I hate doing them, and it’s really pissing me off that I’m being so silly about this matter and wasting so much energy foot-stomping, and arm crossing, and sulking.

The first site analysis I had to do, actually, I’m not even going to talk about that one. That course was whack, but the second one I kind of had a hissy fit over because I had a site and plan for that site in play in my brain’s design arena, and the curriculum had the audacity to blow that all to hell by providing us with a site that we had to use. I even modified my client study to include that my clients wouldn’t live in the city, so there was no way I could use that city lot. My instructor, probably wisely, didn’t even answer me.

I had to design a story whereby my clients were somehow bound to the property in some way, and thus had to figure out a way to make do with the Kerrisdale location, a property that is worth almost 3 million with an 80 year old house on it. Well, it’s not worth that, but that’s what it would cost to buy.

Once I left the pout, I had a lot of fun with the process of design. Design is just daydreaming with intent, and spending some time making sure there is proof that A) You know what you’re talking about and doing, or at least have a grasp of what’s desired and required, and B) You’re exhaustively exploring possibility because it’s interesting and fun. There could hardly be a more perfect set of criteria for me to enjoy spending my time, so why do I bitch about it?

I don’t like being told what to do, which is another lie, or at least, not entirely true. I just don’t like being told to do stupid, useless things by unqualified, or stupid, useless, inimical entities, which is why I detest the government and advertising regimes, but most people aren’t like that 1 to 1, and I’m not being asked to change the world here, well, I am, but not by smashing the state, instead, my function is to create a living space for a living person, and it’s not that hard to do.

During the question period after the presentation of my second project, I was asked a funny question. Because I hate site analysis, I left 80% of the grade total of the course undone until the last 3 days of the final week of the term. I’d done the primary site analysis, but I hadn’t done any problem solving surrounding the main issue of the site which was that you couldn’t build there because the riparian zone setback covered the entire lot, and you weren’t allowed to build anywhere outside the foundation of the existing house without special permits. So I built a story about why the clients wanted this particular site, and that they were prepared to both jump through the appropriate hoops to see this done, and also design a building strategy that would at least mitigate, if not eliminate, threat to the sensitive environment. My strategy worked, and the imaginary permit was issued by the real, if not actually contacted, regulatory body, and I designed the house in all the detail that I had time to, and made the presentation, which was successful, and after which I was asked by another student, “Did you ever consider NOT building there, and just choosing another site instead?”

It was a very good question, and it caught me completely off guard because, obviously, I had NOT ever considered building something somewhere else. Not once.

I’ve built a lot of buildings, and I’m quite good at it, and I loved it, loved building and being a builder, until my body told me that I could not do that anymore. I don’t like being told what to do, so it hurt a lot, but I’m glad that I finally gave up, and I’m grateful that my brother is willing to support me as I retrain, and I’m proud of the fact that I’m pretty much an A+ student, because I owe myself my best, and I’m excited about my life because I’m finally learning about the benefits of the consistent, positive application of attention that I was never able to manage before I sobered up and found some solutions for my pain and my monkey brain.
All that came and went before is never wasted. I’m engaged, satisfied, and content with where I’m at and what I am doing right now, but I’m standing on my history, and though it stirs and groans sometimes, I never feel the need to descend and see what’s up down there. I just grab whatever and pull it up into the light for analysis and to see if anything can be solved.

It doesn’t sound like I hate it, does it?