Whore

I have too many things to do.

 This fact grows to appear overwhelming in the face of less than stellar time-management skills. I am also practicing the art of spending less time on my phone, so I am not inclined to try to use any of the myriad apps that, if I were to believe the hype, will transform the way that I go about my day, which is something else I’m practicing to avoid, believing the hype.

Maybe I should believe the hype, though. Maybe that’s what it takes for a thing like that to work. Maybe, but it feels too much like outsourcing my abilities when I could just culture them at home, and without ads. I have an inborn skill with which I can easily replace the distraction of advertisements, but, for my overall health, I’m learning to mitigate it.

There’s no quick fix for anything, and I have, albeit halfheartedly, tried the organisational apps. The thing about the apps is that you really do need a organisational base to work with; you can’t just plug in your data and expect it to change your habits, that’s your job. There are a lot of shitty people out there that are convinced they are going to get into heaven because they say grace at the dinner table and go to church on Sunday, and maybe they will, I don’t know everything, but if heaven is the future residence of the culture of guilt and shame that I grew up with, I’ll pass. Thanks for the grape juice and crackers body of christ, though, and I really did enjoy all the music and singing.

I like Jesus; if he ever existed, he was a good man. I don’t think I could find fault in anything that Jesus said or did according to the stories. He lived simply and compassionately, despised the despicable church, and spoke out against the authoritarian regime, but before we get all fervourous, consider this, he probably just walked around with his fishing buddies, petting sheep, and smelling flowers, sharing his meals, or giving them away to someone in deeper need than his. He spoke comforting words to the sick and the dying which allowed them the peace of a new vision of existence. He revealed the humanity of someone who may never have known a moment of kindness, such as a whore, and was so genuinely grateful for a drink of water, that everyone agreed that it was better than wine.

I’ve done all of those things, some more than others. You don’t have to be exceptional to be like Jesus, and you certainly don’t have to go to fucking church. You just need a healer’s mind, and, according to the stories, Jesus had one, so he’s a healthy ideal. If he ever existed, he doesn’t now, except as a fine idea, or example, of how to behave, you get to choose whether you follow it or not. I’ve done all of those things, and I’ve done a lot of worse things that I want to do less of because I want to be what I want, and I want to be better than I have been.

So Jesus is like those time management apps, a great model for potential and potentially positive change, but there’s no power in them. The power is all yours. Even if god exists, you still have to DECIDE to be worthy, so only your decisions matter. If gods exist, and give a shit about you, I’m sure they’d be happy to see you ignore them for a while so you could redirect that energy towards healthier personal hygiene like time management.

So what is it that you want to do? Go to heaven? Noooo! You want to have a clean kitchen, and be all caught up on your homework. You want to learn how to juggle, and play the guitar. You want to have an engaged and healthful relationship with your girlfriend, and your kids, and your family, and your community, and....and you need to make one better decision at a time in order to achieve this.

I’m not advocating for apps or Jesus, I’m advocating for you. I’m advocating for your will, and your patience, and your compassion, Jonathan. If you don’t like the representation, discard it, but don’t disregard the model. That’s why it’s there, to show you the path, and that’s it.

You still have to walk it, so giddy up.